Big 12 Football

Why Is Oklahoma Even Showing Up?

Hey, look Oklahoma, thanks for coming but you can just go ahead and head on out. No seriously, why are you even here?

I’m done with you, Oklahoma. Every year you somehow manage to trick us. Every year you somehow convince us that not only are you good, but you’re going to live up to expectations. Every time you make us think you are, you take a giant crap like you did last season in the College Football Playoff. Thanks for ruining my bowl picks, by the way. I could’ve placed for money. You owe me at least twenty bucks, Oklahoma.

At some point, the Sooners are just going to lose every game for the rest of eternity. Or at least until they fire Bob Stoops.

“Big Game Bob” always tends to crap the bed when it comes to big games which kind of makes you wonder how he got that name. Unless it was supposed to be ironic, but at the time it probably wasn’t. He already got beat up by Houston in Week 1, his No. 3 Sooners losing by 10 after being a 10-point favorite.

So what’s the next big game? Ohio State! They’re going to get up for that…

Oh. Well, maybe not.

You had one shot to save your season and you blew it. You got trounced, absolutely trounced, by the Buckeyes. You gave up 45 points to a team that basically sent an entire starting lineup to the NFL. You, on the other hand, retained your Heisman-hopeful quarterback in Baker Mayfield and starting running back Samaje Perine. What’s your excuse? Ohio State hadn’t even played a real game yet and they stomped you. Their toughest test thus far had been Tulsa, although maybe that was a sign. Can you imagine what’s going to happen if someone in the Big 12 actually develops a defense too?

Sorry, got a little side-tracked there. I’m still a little bitter I got proven wrong to some Ohio State fans. I defended you Oklahoma!

Right, so you got wrecked by Houston and Ohio State. Now you’ve got No. 23 TCU coming to town and Vegas is finally calling you out, making you a 3.5 point underdog. It’s a big game, right? A chance to still maintain some relevance in the Big 12, right?

Well, you’re going to lose. Because that’s what Oklahoma does in big games and this is suddenly a big game. It’s against a ranked team and is important, hence a big game. As logic shows, Oklahoma will then lose.

After that, it’s the Red River Showdown. Which you lost last year, to a Texas team that’s not as good as this one and wasn’t ranked No. 23. So you’re going to lose that.

At that point, every game is going to become a big game.

Kansas State? Big game. You lose.

Texas Tech? Big game. You lose.

And so on and so forth, including a loss to Kansas. Basically, every game will suddenly have monumental importance and because Big Game Bob Stoops is still patrolling the sidelines, Oklahoma is going to lose them all and miss the postseason for the first time since 1998. Despite it seeming crazy, the only recourse will be for Oklahoma to fire Bob Stoops in an effort to end this strange curse that he bestowed upon them. He can then go to LSU and bring his weird, anti-clutch curse with him to the bayou.

Good lord, I didn’t realize that I disliked Oklahoma this much until now.

E-mail Tim at tim [dot] bach [at] campuspressbox [dot] com.

Image courtesy Flickr via Creative Commons

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A life-long Michigan fan who graduated from Eastern Michigan. My dad is an Ohio State fan and my mom is a Michigan fan. It's weird, deal with it.